Nathan Harris’s life began tragically when he was orphaned at the
age of one. Strangely enough, the attack that killed his parents left him
with only a strangely shaped scar on his forehead. He grew up in the care
of his cruel relatives, shouted at by his uncle, looked down on by his aunt,
and generally misused by his fat cousin. This all changed when a mysterious
person began trying to contact him, first sending polite notes, then discreetly
knocking and finally calling and breathing heavily into the phone for ten
minutes.
This was, of course, Matt Lieber, who finally succeeded in enticing Nathan
into his car on the way to school one day with the offer of free candy.
Matt told
him that his parents had not died in a car crash as he had always been told,
but had been killed by someone who just didn’t get the joke.
“That’s right, Nate, your parents were satire writers.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I mean, they were really great satire writers. I’ll bet this explains
a lot of things for you.”
“Not really.”
“Like why you could never resist using your finger as a mustache and mocking
your geometry teacher or why you compulsively make lists of things that aren’t
bigger than Ted Kennedy’s head.”
“Ted Kennedy does have a big head…”
Matt told him about his heritage, and offered to take him to a place where
he could learn the skills he would need to become the world’s greatest satirist;
a wonderful place where anything could happen, a magical place: the Lake Ontario
Room on the third floor of the MSU Union, the legendary home of Spartan Weekly.
“I see you guys have a water cooler.”
“Yes, Nate. Yes we do.”
