World
State of Michigan to Raise Revenue by Opening Lemonade Stand, Raking Leaves
by Jacob Kanclerz
Lawmakers working on the State of Michigan’s budget have proposed new revenue generating tactics to help the state climb out of the budget deficit. Among new ideas include opening a lemonade stand, most likely on a hot day when people may be thirsty.
“We’ve tried taxing, cutting spending, stealing money from Canada, taxing, selling the Upper Peninsula, taxing again,” said Governor Jennifer Granholm. “We weren’t going to cut any of our salaries, so this was the next idea on the list.”
Lawmakers have outlined the essentials of the idea in a 800-page Lemonade Stand Bill, including specifications of the stand and its location, most likely an old folding table at the end of someone’s driveway. The bill also calls for proper identification, most likely a handwritten paper sign in crayon, taped to the front side.
While most citizens worry about how much revenue will be generated from this new proposal, most politicians are confident in their strategy.
“Well, most lemonade stands these days charge 25 cents for a glass, but we know we have a serious deficit, so we were planning on at least 50 cents a glass, extra for refills,” said Speaker of the House Andy Dillon, “I always made a quick extra buck doing this when I was a kid, so this is perfect.”
In addition to the lemonade stand, other ideas include raking their neighbors’ leaves and possibly doing some more chores around the house. At press time, Wisconsin and Indiana have shown support for having their yards raked, saying the leaves have “gotten a little out of hand around here.”
The state will have to rely solely on these tactics, as it was reported that Michigan’s parents would not be raising their allowance at this time.