World
Forgotten Americans: Dairy Farmers Losing Business to Foreign Cheeses
By Christopher J. Moon, Spartan Weekly Sports Editor and Domestic Cheese Consumer
MADISON, WI – The American Dairy Farmers Association has reported that domestic dairy consumption has declined more than 29% in the fiscal year 2009. Economic analysts have been predicting such a decline for months now. The ADFA report cites the declining economy, lack of milk production, and most importantly increased competition from cheaper, more efficient foreign cheeses.
“The freakin’ Swiss are killing us!” a source who wished to remain anonymous told The Spartan Weekly.
In an official statement on its website, the ADFA urged consumers to “Think and Buy American” when at the grocery market, or picking a cheese for your sub at Subway.
“Rather than Swiss or provolone, consider a fine American alternative,” the website statement suggests. “Shouldn’t your clogged artery be a truly American one?”
The statement also included plans to lobby the federal government for a bailout. Political analysts speculate that the government would block such an issue, because Washington believes American dairy products “just don’t give consumers what they want.” Contrarily, Spartan Weekly sources inside the White House staff believe President Obama will soon announce socialist plans for the federal government to take over the ailing American dairy industry.