Sports
Tigers Celebrate End of Season with Team Dinner;
22 Cases of Choking Reported
By Christopher J. Moon, Spartan Weekly Sports Editor and Administrator of the Heimlich maneuver
TROY, MI – On Friday, the Detroit Tigers congregated at McCormick and Schmick’s Seafood Restaurant near Somerset Mall to celebrate the end of a long, arduous season. The celebration was somber, however, because the Tigers had just lost a heartbreaking one-game playoff versus the Minnesota Twins for a trip to the playoffs. 
The Tigers became one of only a few teams in MLB history to give up a 7 game lead in September, and only one of five ever to lose a 2-game lead with three games to go.
Early stages of the celebration went without a hitch, according to restaurant staff. Most of the players arrived at 6:30pm and had a drink at the bar. The official party began at 7:07pm, with all the players and coaches present. Salads were served, followed by an outstanding surf and turf meal. It was here, according to restaurant staff, that the first signs of trouble began.
“Everyone just choked. They simply choked,” said McCormick and Schmick’s server Vincenzo Lorenzo Procopio.
Conveniently, Emergency Medical staff was already on hand.
“Our managers made sure to have paramedics ready,” server Megan Krause said. “Apparently, this isn’t the first time the Tigers have choked like this.”
The paramedics came in handy – all told, 22 players were treated for choking. Although he didn’t personally choke, Miguel Cabrera had to be subdued by bear mace after heavily drinking and repeatedly slapping bartender Frank Procopio. Cabrera’s blood alcohol content was approximately three times the legal limit.
The Tigers’ one-game playoff will be remembered by missed opportunities. Most importantly, they failed to score in the 12th inning with the bases loaded. The Twins would eventually score one run in the bottom of the 12th to clinch the win and cap an incredible comeback.
If you want to contact Christopher J. Moon and applaud him for his in-depth coverage of a dinner party, or to thank him for his service to America, he can be e-mailed at spartanweeklysports@gmail.com . You can also follow him on Twitter.