Sports
Michigan Football Jerry-Rigs New Trophies for Rivalries that don't exist
By Anthony Shabro
ANN ARBOR, MI - Coming off their first loss of the season to Michigan State, Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez has devised a way to build morale on a team that was flying high just two weeks ago. Having failed to reclaim the in-state rivalry's Paul Bunyan trophy, Rodriguez decided to make several dozen new trophies to "spruce up" the team's locker room.
"I was just kind of sitting in my office waiting for our 17th practice of the day to wrap up," explains Rodriguez, "and I kind of thought, 'Hey, who says who gets to have trophies? So I just sorted scrapping some stuff together. I just finished this one: it's the..uh...Stapler-Thumbtack-Rubber Band Ball Victory Trophy. We play Oakland University for it." 
In a three hour span, Rodriguez put together 36 trophies to be put on the line against bitter rivals such as Western Kentucky Univeristy and Richmond University.
Michigan now boasts the most rivalry trophies currently in the team's possession of any program in America, or even of all other programs combined.
Rodriguez maintains that star freshman quarterback Robert 'Tate' Forcier "was a big part of making that happen", and is currently working on a new Paul Bunyan trophy made of paper clips and old gum that the Spartans would have to beat Michigan a second time each year in order to win.