Sports
Sparty Lets Himself Go After Losses to CMU, ND
By Christopher J. Moon, Spartan Weekly Sports Editor and EL’s Leading Sparty Gossip Columnist
EAST LANSING – Several anonymous Michigan State Marching Band members have expressed concern over the mental and physical condition of MSU mascot Sparty. After a stunning home loss to Central Michigan and a close loss to Notre Dame, sources say the brutish mascot has not been outside of his townhouse outside of campus.
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Like his football team, the mascot showed a lackluster performance the previous two Saturdays. He was barely able to muster five one-handed push-ups. After, Sparty literally lost his head in front of the student section while fighting the visiting Central Michigan mascot – a brown bag of chips. Close friends say the mascot has never been the same since.
If you want to contact Christopher J. Moon to update him on the health of our beloved mascot, or to thank him for his service to America, you can e-mail him at moonchr1@msu.edu or follow him on Twitter.