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Ask Richard!
He solves your problems so you don't have to.
November 23, 2009
Dear Richard,
I am currently enrolled in an ISS class that is too stupid to see how stupid it is. Stupid. If we have one more discussion on inequalities, I think I will get very angry. I am very worried that our next exam (all true and false) will compose of questions such as: "Do you think gays should be allowed in the military? True/False".
As this directly concerns my mental faculties, and I wish to remain a functioning member of society, I seek your advice to save my remaining brain cells before an anger induced aneurysm forever destroys my zoological ambitions.
Sincerely,
Pissed Off in ISS
Dear Pissed Off in ISS,
It's most likely in your best interests to cease and desist paying attention in your ISS class. If your exams are opinion based, you really don't need to, anyway (you might not need to even if they aren't). If your professor doesn't take attendance, you might consider skipping out on it entirely.
However, in case the professor does take attendance, you could try bringing a laptop. This is normally acceptable in larger lecture based classes for the purpose of taking notes. Instead of taking notes, however, you could do more useful things such as aimlessly browse Wikipedia or play solitaire. Both of the above provide much more mental stimulation, I'm sure. You could even try to do homework for other classes, if all else fails.
If neither of those two options are valid I suggest asking your professor difficult, potentially uncomfortable questions for the simple amusement of it. And then you can't be accused of not participating in class.
-Richard
October 26, 2009
Dear Richard,
The zombies are right outside my door and I can hear them clawing away at it. I don’t have any weapons to make a stand, and I don’t have any food even if I could. I hear their hungry groans and calls for my brains, and I am not inspired with confidence. What should I do? Please hurry.
- Jeremy
Well Jeremy,
The first thing you have to realize is that anything is a weapon. What you want to look for is something that’ll let you keep a wide berth, but still has some decent killing power. Some people might think a crowbar would make an effective weapon, but in all honesty it’s just too small. You want to keep the zombies as far away from you as possible, lest they hold you down and nibble on your succulent head. You’d be better served with a broom, especially if you can sharpen down one end. In your room. However, you might be a bit more pressed for material. Here’s my plan: drape a blanket over your door, when the zombies encounter it, they’ll simply push against it, thinking it’s another barrier. You, however, will be waiting next to the door with a piece or broken glass. When they push against it, you stab them. All of them. Hopefully you have a mirror, otherwise you’re going to have to sacrifice your computer monitor. Alternatively, you might be able to rig something with your mattress springs. Whatever you feel comfortable with.