Campus
MSU Business Major Actually Wants to be a Business Major
Next Question: Why?
By Jennifer Kott
Local business undergrad Mindy Hebitudinous* sent her professor into cardiac arrest last Wednesday by proudly proclaiming that she legitimately wants to major in business.
“She’s undoubtedly the only student in this major that isn’t here for “personal” reasons. And by personal reasons, I mean the inability to major in anything else and still come to class under the influence of everything but stocks and bonds,” divulges Mindy’s TA.
This led me to attempt to rationalize the popularity of this major at MSU.
It’s a well known fact that as far as degree difficulty goes, business majors at Michigan State set the bar below sea level. But how does this reflect the career aspirations of these students?
Theory 1: The business major aspires to equal the fame and fortune of Kevin Costner. Yes, Kevin Costner, a business major and a former president/member of Delta Chi (but let’s not judge too much in one sitting) who worked for a total of 30 days a marketing executive before becoming an actor.
Maybe leaving an executive job to play Robin Hood inspired many more business majors than once thought, but not even under threat of death would I call Waterworld a well-planned business decision backed by a business degree.
Theory one is obviously far from logical.
Theory 2: Pure intelligence (or lack thereof). Learning to buy low and sell high, usually while actually being high. According to a comparison study from the Primary Major with Etiology of Habits (PMEH) group at MSU, the highest percentage of marijuana users by major fall into the business category.
Theory 3: A genuine love for business. Let’s face it, this theory is impossible. Use caution if you dare to speak the phrase of business love aloud: your prof might die of shock, or you may be horribly judged and possibly beaten.
The only conclusion that can be drawn at this point, is that Waterworld is the worst movie I have ever sat through.