The Spartan Weekly, The Truth's Worst Nightmare

Michael Caples

EAST LANSING – “300”, the movie epic profiling Sparta and their fearless warriors, has become an instant testament to the pride of MSU and their mascot. The Spartan football team has embraced its spirit, showing clips of the movie during their first game this past Saturday, in which they defeated UAB 55-15. MSU undoubtedly received permission from the movie’s producers to use such clips on the big screen, yet the MSU student section will find itself in a predicament this coming week.

“Spartans, what is your profession?” This dramatic moment of the “300” movie captured the hearts of the MSU student body, and its first chant was heard throughout Spartan Stadium few seconds after the gates first opened on September 1, 2007. A group of students would hold a fist in the air, then chant “1,2,3” before screaming out the line. The rest of the student section would respond with a triumphant “*grunt*grunt*grunt*”.

Dramatic? Yes. Moving? Yes. Legal? Not if you are Mark Canton, a “300” movie producer. Canton claims that using the chant is a copyright infringement, and that the student section should have to pay to say the famous words.

“Writer Zack Synder came up with those lines, and he should be rewarded for his creativity,” Canton said. “Any use of copyright material from the movie “300” should have to come through me.”

In a public statement, Canton has requested that every time the ‘profession’ phrase is chanted in Spartan Stadium, all fans participating should have to pay $15.

“Compensation, compensation, compensation. We thought this up, after all,” Synder said. “I mean, its not like this was just a history lesson.”

The MSU student section is currently preparing their defense, which will undoubtedly find its way to the courtroom. Some students are already counting down the days.

“I've fought countless times, yet I've never met an adversary who could offer me what we Spartans call ‘A Beautiful Death,’” MSU College of Law student Steve Kent said. “I can only hope, with all the world's warriors gathered against us, there might be one down there who's up to the task.”

Kent, who is leading the campaign against Canton and Warner Bros., says that the MSU law students will fight like ‘true Spartans’.

“You come to my city bearing the skulls of conquered kings, you insult my queen, you threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully Persian…I mean producer,” Kent said. “Perhaps you should have done the same. Tonight, we dine in hell!”

Writer/Director Zack Synder has agreed with Canton, and clearly stated that the MSU students planning to fight Warner Bros. “is madness.”

“Madness?” Kent said. “THIS IS SPARTA!”